Let’s get lost together January 16, 2009

A while ago i finished reading Brida by Coelho. I am not going to praise him – his writing style has good parts and bad parts…whatever. I liked the book a lot. Since then i am sort of under anesthesia. I regained a world i thought i lost – being able to write fantasy stories.

When i was in high school, i used to dream stories and the very next morning i would write them…it felt great and i felt special. not proud or arrogant, just glad i could write nice stories. In university my world crashed for a while (because of a guy) and i couldn’t write anymore (i couldn’t even smile for quite some time)…

It all started in secondary school…I had a literature teacher that made us learn by heart all commentaries for the books we should have read. I tried once to write my own opinion and she hated it so afterwords i just learned whatever she dictated. but no matter how much i would have learned she wouldn’t give more than 7 (out of 10). i disliked her but i tried to do my best in finding explanations for her behavior, finding excuses. In the end i just decided she was almost bald because of how mean she was.

When i got to high school, the first lesson with my literature teacher gave me the impression that this one was awful, too. And the hilarious part in this whole thing, is the fact that i probably have been reading more than all my colleagues together.

So my first moment of rebellion came. I used to be the kind of kid that is too serious for her age, that did all the homework and frightened guys who might have cared for her (i guess i still somehow intimidate guys). I decided that i will not make my homework and piss of the literature teacher. Nobody knew me, so why the hell not…so she asked me, and i stood up and told her i didn’t do my homework. She was pissed off but somehow she liked me. And this is how i started writing and discovered i was talented (at least back then…i have probably lost half of the skills i had…). She insisted that we don’t copy, learn by heart or sometimes even read other people’s commentaries until we have written down our own opinion about a book. So i did it…i started writing my own opinion about the books i read and…it seemed i got talent…

Then came university…i was craving to go for theater acting but did the rational thing…computer science because i didn’t have the guts to believe they could choose me in for a 18 students-class. It was not only the rational thing to go for computer science but also a responsible thing…i would have definitely been able to support myself after graduating. and it also had to do with a softer side…when i was a child i wanted to work for Disney to create those beautiful stories and the pretty animations. i thought computer science should have been the first step. how wrong…

Now is over…graduated 3 years ago. in the meantime i started and almost finished a masters, too. i don’t regret these choices. but i wonder what would have happened if i would have chosen, not computer science, not acting, but literature.

A few days ago i had a dream. It was amazing! i was in this unknown world, it seemed like i was in Zurich, but soo different. there were pretty women on the streets. i was with a guy who’s face i don’t remember, it was a guy i don’t know in the real life. we were walking on the street and more and more women, dressed like in the Indian traditional sari were coming from different directions hurrying in the same direction. We decided to follow them and find out what was happening, where were they going? so we go after them, and we end up at the lake. there were a bunch of colored guys there, dressed in African colorful costumes and dancing in a line near the lake. Most of the women were on the lake-side and one of them was throwing roses in the water. there were 3 ladies in the water…it seemed summer but it looked like they were freezing. one of them went down into the water to bring the drowning roses to the surface. the other two were helping her to catch her breath from time to time. we figured it out that the one that was saving the red roses from drowning, was the bride. there was no groom though…she had to save 3 roses and the damn roses couldn’t flout, and it was getting harder and harder to catch her breath between saving the roses. they were all happy and colorful and it was a majestic happening.

I should have been a literature teacher…though teacher is not the word i am looking for…i should have been the kind of dareberry that shows kids how to be creative, open-minded and unlimited…and still, i would love to be an “imagination gardener”…

are you lost with me yet?…i said “imagination gardener”:)